Loving and Choosing Ourselves: The Journey to Wholeness

There’s a moment in every self-growth journey when you realize that what you’ve been searching for externally has always existed within you. It’s a bittersweet awakening—liberating yet humbling. For me, this moment came with the understanding that love, worth, and fulfillment are not things we find in others but truths we uncover within ourselves.

This realization wasn’t just a door opening—it was a sacred calling to heal my own divine feminine energy, to pour inward the love I’ve so often given outward, and to anchor myself in my own abundance.

When we heal and nurture our inner world, we honor the divine energy within us, becoming the source of love we’ve always sought. Only then can we truly give love outwardly, from a place of wholeness and overflow rather than depletion or need.

Here’s what I’ve learned about loving and choosing ourselves, and how we can begin integrating this practice into our daily lives:

Release the Need for External Validation

Many of us are conditioned to look outward for love, acceptance, and affirmation. Whether it’s approval from loved ones, friends, or society, we tie our worth to how others perceive us.

The truth is, external validation can never fill an internal void. When we look to others to complete us, we give away our power. The first step in choosing ourselves is recognizing that the love we seek externally is already within us.

Practice:

  • Write a list of affirmations that remind you of your worth. Start with: “I am whole. I am loved. I am enough.” Repeat these daily.

  • Notice moments when you seek validation from others. Pause and ask yourself, “What do I need to give myself right now instead?”

Pour Love Inward to Heal

The love we freely give to others often acts as a mirror. It reflects both the love we carry within and the distortions we’ve learned to project outward. If we carry wounds—insecurities, unmet needs, or self-doubt—this mirror can distort our understanding of love, leading us to believe it must come from external sources to fill an internal void.

Pouring love inward begins with recognizing this distortion and reclaiming the truth: love doesn’t need to be sought or earned—it simply needs to be remembered within ourselves. When we focus on nurturing our own light, the mirror clears. We see that the love we’ve been pouring outward, often to heal or validate others, is the same love we must first offer to ourselves.

By offering ourselves the respect, devotion, and care we seek externally, we heal the divine feminine energy within us. This is not selfish—it’s sacred. Love poured inward creates clarity, abundance, and wholeness. From this fullness, love can radiate outward without attachment or depletion.

Practice:

  • Create a daily ritual to honor yourself, such as lighting a candle, practicing self-massage, or journaling. Let this practice be a moment to clear the mirror and reconnect with your true self.

  • When you feel the urge to seek love externally, pause and place your hands over your heart. Say, “I give myself the love I so freely give to others. I am whole. I am loved. I am enough.”

  • Reflect on how your relationships act as mirrors. Are they reflecting abundance or distortion? Use this insight to deepen your self-awareness and heal from within.

Forgive Yourself and Others

Forgiveness is a cornerstone of self-love. Often, we carry wounds from past relationships or childhood, where we felt we had to earn love. Forgiving ourselves and those who shaped these beliefs frees us from the weight of these patterns.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior—it’s about releasing the grip those experiences have on your heart.

Practice:

  • Write a letter to yourself or someone you need to forgive. Acknowledge the pain and express compassion for both their journey and yours. You don’t have to send the letter—just writing it can be healing.

Embrace Your Wholeness

We are often taught that we are incomplete without a partner, success, or external achievements. But wholeness isn’t something we gain—it’s something we realize. It’s the understanding that we are enough just as we are, with all our imperfections and gifts.

Practice:

  • Reflect on moments when you felt truly at peace with yourself. What made those moments possible? How can you create more of them?

  • Remind yourself daily: “I am whole. I do not need fixing or completing.”

Love Without Attachment

When we love ourselves fully, we can love others without needing them to complete us. This is one of the hardest lessons but also the most freeing. It means letting go of expectations and loving from a place of abundance, not need.

Practice:

  • When you feel disappointment or unmet expectations in a relationship, pause and ask yourself: “Am I giving love freely, or am I seeking something in return?”

  • Reframe the situation by focusing on what you can give yourself in that moment.

Anchor Yourself in Gratitude

Gratitude shifts our focus from what we lack to what we have. When we practice gratitude for our own love, resilience, and journey, we strengthen the connection to ourselves.

Practice:

  • End each day by listing three things you’re grateful for about yourself. For example: “I’m grateful for my creativity, my ability to forgive, and my kindness.”

The Path Forward: Overflowing with Love

Choosing yourself is not a one-time decision—it’s a daily practice. It’s showing up for yourself, forgiving yourself, and loving yourself in every moment.

By pouring love inward, we honor the divine feminine within us and step into our wholeness. When we embrace this truth, we create an overflow of love that naturally radiates outward, touching the lives of others without depleting our own.

This is my invitation to you: Begin the journey of loving and choosing yourself more wholly. You are whole. You are loved. You are enough.

Affirmation to Take With You:

“I am whole. I am love. I am everything I need. From this abundance, I give freely and joyfully.”

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Befriending the Ego: A New Perspective on Human and Spiritual Growth

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Honoring My Ancestors: A Journey Through Spirit, Lineage, and the Eternal